The Battle of My Life

I gave up anger for Lent.

Lent is not a something that I have ever observed. It wasn't emphasized in the churches I attended, and it wasn't a tradition in our family. I know people who celebrate Lent and fast from something every year. This year as they started sharing what they were giving up for Lent, I thought about participating; but Ash Wednesday came and went, and I hadn't committed myself to fast from anything. So it seemed that I'd once again just ignore this 40 day period leading up to the celebration of Christ's resurrection. But God didn't let me off the hook so easily.

This past weekend, while in the throes of a nasty head cold, I had the awesome opportunity to chaperon at Dance Revolution, a Christian dance conference that my girls attended with their ministry dance team. From the very beginning of the conference, the Spirit of God was moving in a powerful way. Saturday evening, tears streamed down my face as I enjoyed the showcase of dances the participants performed. Some of them were so unbelievably God-honoring that I was completely blown away. It was a thrill to watch my girls' troupe passionately pour out their hearts in dance as they took a stand for Christ and challenged others to Stand Up.

Sunday morning began with a presentation of "The Tree." Once again, tears overflowed from my eyes. This time the tears were not of joy, awe, and adoration of the King; rather, they were tears of grief, conviction, and indignation towards my sin. As my sin was portrayed in front of me, my heart cried out, "No more!"

I have a sin problem.

From the time I was a toddler, I have dealt with anger regularly. I decided in high school that I would not get married or have children because of my temper. "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his path," and after years of wrestling with God and allowing Him to change my heart, I got married instead of going to law school. One month after we were married, I was pregnant, and gave birth to a son 10 months into our marriage.

For years, I was determined that I would not yell. Period. My strategy was that I would whisper every time I wanted to yell. My struggle with anger did not end. I still had moments of rage, but I did not allow myself to yell and scream at my kids. Not quite 5 years into our marriage, my husband accepted a position in another state and started working there. For eight months, he was gone all week and only home on the weekends while I was on my own (with a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn) trying to sell our house. It was during this time that my resolve not to yell was overcome, and Pandora's Box was opened.

Even after our family was reunited, I did not cease yelling. I wanted to change; I tried to stop, I kept apologizing to my kids and to God, but I couldn't seem to control myself. I can remember vividly, being pregnant with my 4th child and screaming at the top of my lungs. I remember thinking of how I'd played classical music for my 1st child when he was in utero because I wanted to nurture him with beautiful and good things even before he was born; and now this 4th child was already experiencing my wrath and rage before her arrival into the world. I wish I could say that this had no effect on her, but regrettably, my youngest daughter learned from me and has followed in my sinful path since she was a toddler.

It has been 8 1/2 years since Pandora's Box was opened, and a lifetime since my struggle with anger began. I have walked with the Lord Jesus all the days of my life, but this sin continues to entangle me. I am reaping the consequences in my relationship with my kids, and I can see the negative ramifications of allowing myself to freely express my anger.

"A fool gives full vent to his anger,
but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Proverbs 29:11

God has been working on my heart for years over this matter and has especially been challenging me to put off my anger, wrath, and malice, in the past few months. This weekend, I finally bent the knee and cried out with all my heart, "I don't want to be angry anymore! Lord, I don't want to lose my temper ever again!!" He heard my cry and is leading me in victory.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, I am not alone in this struggle. My seven year old daughter is so quick to become angry and explode. The anger in her heart is painfully evident on her face; it's frightening! I have tried to teach her to be slow to become angry, but not surprisingly, my hypocrisy wasn't very effective. "Do as I say, not as I do," accomplishes little. So, while I fight my own battle against anger, I am engaged in a battle for and with my daughter against hers. It has not been an easy couple of days as we declare war on our enemy, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, God is giving us the victory in Christ Jesus. Our hearts are so entwined together as we struggle to overcome our sin, but we know that, "the anger of man does not achieve the righteous life that God desires."

This is not a battle I am willing to lose!

So, this Lent, rather than giving up chocolate, or sugar, or Facebook, I am committed to giving up something far more poisonous and deadly...anger. If I could exercise the self-control to fast from Facebook, why not exercise that same control over getting angry? If I could deny my flesh by not allowing it to indulge in chocolate, is it not even better to crucify my flesh by forbidding it to be controlled by anger?? And if, through the power of the Holy Spirit I can fast from anger for 40 days, then why not for the rest of my life?!?!?! God has begun the surgery on my heart. He is so loving, compassionate, merciful, and patient. He and I are ripping out the seeds that have been planted and growing for these 33+ years, and I am praying that the Spirit would begin to produce His perfect fruit in me. I am willing, and He is able!

"Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions...and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; against such things there is no law.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." Galatians 5:19-25

I covet your prayers for me as well as my Evangeline. Never before have I been so committed to anything! "Faithful is He who calls us, and He will bring it to pass."

Grace and Peace,
Angel

Excited About Giving

It's tax return time. Everyone is hunting and gathering all of the necessary documents and spending tedious hours filing their returns. The drudgery of the exercise is alleviated by the excitement of "spending" the tax refund.

I've had a lot of fun spending the tax refund over the years. Two years ago, it paid for my fancy-pants DSLR camera. Last year, we paid off debt, and part of it went towards a new guitar for my husband. One year, it paid for a new wood floor in our family room. Non-essential purchases that are pipe-dreams at other times in the year suddenly become possibilities as we speculate on how big the return will be and how far it will go. This year, we hope to get back enough to cover the expenses at the Midwest Homeschool Convention (hotel, meals, and curriculum purchases) as well as our trip to Yellowstone in September. There are home improvement projects I'd love to tackle, and I'd really like a new camera lens too; but, I'm skeptical that the refund will be big enough to cover all those expenses.

As much as I get excited over "spending" the tax refund, I'm even more excited about the opportunity it provides to GIVE. It is our practice to tithe off of our tax refund just as we tithe off of my husband's regular income. It's not a legalistic thing that we do out of compulsion, but a joyous occasions to give back to God a part of what He has given to us. It's all His anyway; giving a tenth is truly the least we can do.

Our normal tithe throughout the year goes to our local church. The tithe off our income tax refund is an opportunity to support a charity, organization, or individual that we don't regularly support throughout the year. Over the years, we've had a lot of fun prayerfully deciding where our tithe should go, and we've had some awesome opportunities to use it to bless others. It's impossible not to be cheerful about giving from our abundance. It's really quite fun!

This year there are so many needs: Haiti; an upcoming church missions trip to build houses in Mazatlan, MX; friends who are raising money for adoption; families who are struggling from unemployment... The more we give, the more we are challenged to give more, and the less it makes sense to keep.

I don't know if other families tithe off of their income tax refunds, but I hope they do. The Bible says, "God loves a cheerful giver." If you can't give cheerfully, it's time to examine your heart to determine why that's the case. Everything we have comes from God, and we are to be good stewards of it all. We need to hold everything with an open hand and be generous. If we don't make a conscious decision beforehand to give, it's very easy to spend it all without a thought of others or of what God desires.

I challenge you to prayerfully consider how you can give. For many of us, the tax refund is a bonus, so you really don't have any excuse not to give. Don't rob yourself and others of the blessing that comes from giving cheerfully by clinging too tightly to the things of this world. Embrace the opportunity to make an eternal investment. You won't regret it!!

So, what are your tax refund wish-list items, and what charities or individuals has God placed on your heart to whom you can give? I'd love to hear!

Grace and Peace,
Angel

Adoption, Kimmie, and Ethiopian Princesses

Tuesday night, Chris and I will be attending an initial adoption informational seminar. We appreciate your prayers for us as we go, that we would be able to clearly discern God's leading as we prayerfully consider expanding our family through adoption.

One of the most beautiful and inspirational women who has encouraged me to pursue God's will through adoption is Kimmie of Over the Moon with Joy. If you don't know Kimmie, you're totally missing out. Kimmie is the mama of 7, one homemade and 6 adopted. Her youngest daughter, the Ethiopian Princess Mercy, is about the cutest thing that you've ever seen in your entire life!!

One would think that adopting 6 children would be quite enough, but when God fills your heart with love for another Ethiopian Princess, how can you say no? Kimmie's heart is aching for her Ethiopian daughter, Princess Sweetness, who has been in an orphanage for the past 5 years and longs to be united with her family in America. $15,000 stands between Princess Sweetness and her forever family. Would you please visit her blog and pray about how you can support this godly family as they desire to bring Princess Mercy home??

Thank you again for your prayers!

Grace and Peace,
Angel