Life in Random Bullets

No time for a real post means fun with bullets!

• I prefer Meijer generic ice cream sandwiches to WalMart generic ice cream sandwiches, and yes there is a difference! So much of a difference, in fact, that I had to buy a box of Meijer brand for myself and gave the kids the Walmart brand.
  



• After VBS today, my eldest daughter (10) said her favorite part was Story Time, followed closely by tye-dying. That totally warmed my heart since I was her Bible Story Teacher. You'd think she'd be tired of just me! It's also encouraging, because I'm working with the 4th & 5th graders for the first time. Usually, I teach the younger kids, or do music, so I was worried the older kids might get bored, and they didn't. To God be all the glory!!



• I've only had to run the air conditioning for a couple of weeks this entire summer! It's been glorious!!
  



• I finished reading Dangerous Surrender. Fabulous!



• My clothes are fitting too tightly! I refuse to accept that it's the ice cream sandwiches, so my dryer must be shrinking my clothes...I ought to have someone come look at it.



• I shouldn't have bought the bag of "fun-size" Twix and the other bag of "snack-size" Snickers!
  



• I made a huge mess cleaning my schoolroom, got it picked up after 3 days, threw out a big bag of recycling, and the room doesn't look any cleaner than when I started! I wish an organized friend would come over and help me make sense of it!!



• I finally got organized enough to join Paperback Swap. I got my first book in the mail today (a hardback copy of And the Shofar Blew). I even overcame my nemesis (the Post Office) and mailed two books!



• I've taken so many pictures this summer of camping, boating, fishing, birthdays, etc. and haven't done a thing with them!



• I haven't gotten as much academic work done this summer as I had hoped/planned.



• My middle daughter (8) has read 136 books for the summer reading program so far; most of them are chapter books, some of them were quite long and challenging.
  



• I am gleaning so much from reading Paul Tripp's Age of Opportunity! If you have teens, or will within the next few years, I highly recommend it!!



• Yesterday, just as I was prepared to tell the kids at the door, selling cookie dough, that I wasn't interested, the boy said that their family was fund-raising to adopt an 8 year old girl from Ukraine, through the same program from which we met our orphan friend. How could I say no after that?!? It made me a little sad that we weren't adopting ourselves!



• I'm woefully behind on blog reading. My blog reader is telling me that there are 27 unread posts at A Familiar Path, and that's one of the blogs I usually keep up with pretty regularly! Altogether, I have 678 unread posts.
  



• It's sad to be so behind on blog-reading, because I have the best and most encouraging blog friends on the world wide web!!
  

Any bullets you'd care to share with me?

Grace and Peace,
Angel

Answers and Reflections on Pursuing Adoption

I'm waking up to yet another gorgeous day in what has become the most perfect summer (weather-wise) that I can ever remember. This weekend we went camping, and it was in the 70s. The next two weeks forecast highs of 81! It's July!!!

Today is my eldest daughter's 10th birthday. Double digits with the teen years looming in front of us as my son turned twelve last Friday. The pre-teen attitudes and adjustments have hit us full force, and there has even been talk of "girlfriends" with the very first mention of an actual girl. I don't know if I'm ready for all this or not, but I better get ready.

Speaking of getting ready, after much prayer and waiting on the Lord, the answer with regard to adopting is Wait! The experience with our orphan boy opened our eyes to the reality of orphans and the need for adoptive parents. It has given us a sense of urgency as well, but no sense that God is leading us to adopt immediately. There is much yet to do to be ready to pursue adoption seriously!

We came into this process with the thought that we might adopt someday. We had not done any research, talked seriously with other adoptive families, read any books, saved any money, had a home study done, etc. etc. While we trusted that God would equip us to do whatever He called us to do, whenever He called us to do it, and while we didn't want to miss the opportunity that God might be dropping in our lap this summer; we felt a bit overwhelmed and unprepared to embark on adopting a child immediately. After much prayer, we sense that He is calling us to wait on Him, so wait we will.

As we prayed, there were several issues that came to the surface that we have been challenged to deal with so that we can be ready if/when He calls. One of the biggest issues is my present relationship with our son. He and I have been butting heads lately, and there are times when the frustration is so great that it seems like the relationship is disintegrating before us. I have realized that I am unequipped and unprepared to be a mother to a teenager. The strategies that I've used all these years raising toddlers and younger children are not adequate when dealing with pre-teens and teenagers. Before I bring another son into the picture, I better make sure that my relationship with my current son is healthy! There was also an unsettling feeling about how close in age the two boys would have been, with our orphan friend being not even a year younger than our son. I think it would be better for our family (and our son) to consider a boy that is at least 2 years younger, if not 3, so that it would truly be a little brother, not a twin.

Beyond my relationship with my son, I have also been convicted that I have grown lax and lazy about discipline in general. I need to go back to the basics and become more consistent in biblical discipline. I need to practice greater self-control over myself and my own temper and frustrations! I recently re-read Ginger Plowman's Don't Make Me Count to Three, and am encouraged to get back on the right track! Though there is always room for improvement, and I can not expect to attain perfection in these areas, there is much that can be improved before we bring another child into our family. As we wait on the Lord, I want to be dilligent in using this time wisely and first doing what is best for the children He has already entrusted to me!

Another concern is that of simplifying our life. The adoption process would be a huge time investment, and it's hard to see where that "extra" time would come from. There must be things that we can do to make better use of our time and to simplify, while still doing what God has called us to do. This will be an ongoing process. To begin with, I need to establish a better routine and a system for chores/housework. For some crazy reason, my husband thinks the kids need to keep their rooms clean. Absurd, I know, but I must submit (which also means that I need to keep my own room clean as a good example). ;)

Some other to-do list items include talking with families who have gone through international adoption, especially those who have adopted children who were the same ages as their biological kids, and researching adoption. We are also continuing to work on Dave Ramsey's recommended Steps to Financial Peace. We are working on baby step #3 (3 to 6 months expenses in savings) knowing that our "emergency fund" may morph into an adoption savings fund.

As I write, it is with the idea that God will call us to adopt, but we have not yet received that call. Let me be clear that I do not want to get ahead of Him, but many of the things He has laid on our hearts are things that need to be addressed whether or not we end up adopting. The most important thing, for me, at this time, is to make wise use of my time and be preparing for the day when He may lead us to bring a child into our family. I appreciate your continued prayers for wisdom and discernment as we wait, pray, and prepare.

Continue praying, too, for our orphan friend. He returned to the orphanage without the promise of being adopted by a family here in Indiana. My heart aches for him as I consider what life is like now after knowing a family's love and experiencing the abundance of America. There is one who has a mother's heart for him who would appreciate your prayers as well! May God watch over him, bless him, and lead him to his forever family.

One final thought, I have been a bit distressed through this experience to receive opinions and advice from those who claim to be Christians, yet appear to have no understanding of what it means to walk by faith. God's Word does not call us to be irresponsible, but God does not guarantee that we will have all of the answers before we embark on our journey. The classic example of this is Abram. God said, go, and Abram went even though he didn't know where he was going. God calls us to walk by faith and not by sight, and Chris and I are willing to do that. We want to follow Him step by step. There are some who doubt our ability to do this thing, who don't think we should even be considering pursuing adoption at all, or at this phase of life, but if God leads us to do it, we must trust HIM to be faithful to equip us, to go before us, to sustain us, to strengthen us, and to accomplish HIS purpose in us and through us. Our faith is not in ourselves, but in our God who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and has a perfect plan and purpose for our lives. More than anything, I want to be obedient to Him. I appreciate those of you who continually point me to Him and share godly wisdom from His Word. He alone is faithful, to God be all the glory!

Grace and Peace,
Angel

Wait, Pray, and Fish

Thank you, everyone, for your comments, prayers, and support!
The kids fly back to the orphanage Tuesday, and we have yet to decide what we're doing.

I'm headed to Illinois for a week with my dad and middle sister to visit my aunt, uncle, and grandma. Chris will be batching it, and is going to enjoy a brief, personal backpacking retreat this weekend to seek God's face and wait on the Lord. There are several things he'll be praying about with regard to family, work, and ministry, and now he's adding adoption to that list. So, if you think of it, be praying for him as he spends time one-on-one with the Lord.

I'll be off-line, surrounded by cornfields. I won't exactly be alone, but I'll be praying without ceasing like I usually do, and listening for that still small voice with a fishing pole in hand.


Grace and Peace,
Angel

Reality Check

The first day with our orphan friend went so well that it almost went too well. It was almost as if he were performing for us, or auditioning. He's smart; he might have considered it an interview. We're realists, and we are well aware that adopting an 11 year old boy from another country would not be without its challenges. We know that we are clueless about many of those challenges, but if we venture into adoption, we want to do it with eyes wide open, not rose colored glasses. Our second afternoon with our friend provided a few glimpses of what some of those challenges might be.


We decided to visit the Children's Museum. Everyone was a little tired from the beginning, and the museum was crowded. We weren't there long when the lack of parenting and training began to show itself in our orphan boy. He doesn't seem to understand taking turns or waiting. While other children were working on the computer touch screens, he would just walk up and start touching the screen himself, and he wasn't pleased when I would stop him. He bored easily, and got impatient when we didn't just move on immediately to a new exhibit. He wanted to spend a lot of time at the computers, and when I encouraged him to do something else, and finally told all the kids no computers (since they were beginning to fight over them), he got perturbed. All of these things were very understandable, and none of them were big issues, just little things throughout the day that created an awareness of the lack of discipline he's had in his life, and the initial challenges we would face in parenting.

The language barrier exacerbated these challenges. At one point, a mom was trying to take a picture and he was in the way, so I spoke and motioned with my hands for him to move away and come to me. He complied, but had quite an attitude about it. I tried to explain (through words and the use of my hands) why he had to move, but it didn't help his attitude. I can't expect him to understand, and I couldn't explain in words that would help him. That's a bit frustrating for me, but I can't imagine how much more frustrating it is for him.


All of these things were wearying. To be honest, I checked my phone at one point to see how much longer we had until I could take him back, only to discover that I still had a few hours left. I can remember that kind of feeling when I had toddlers and kept checking the clock, waiting for naptime and a brief respite! If we were to adopt him though, there would be no taking him back. We'd have to push through the weariness just as we did with babies in the middle of the night. It's different, but an adjustment just the same.

On a positive note, even though he wasn't always happy about obeying, he always obeyed, even while he said, "No!" There was defiance in his tone, but compliance with his actions; not ideal, but we can work with that. (Heck, I deal with that in my own kids regularly! None of us have arrived in the "obey right away with a good heart attitude" rule.)

Also, he's a very bright child! He has already picked up many American words, and seems to understand some things. He parrots everything back to you. While we were in the car, Ethan looked through an animal book with him, teaching him the English names for the animals. He was eager to learn and not easily frustrated. Those things are encouraging as I think about teaching him English and how to read and write. Phonics has not been my favorite subject as I've taught 4 kindergarteners, and I'm not that excited about teaching it to an 11 year old who only knows the Cyrillic alphabet. But it's encouraging to see that he's a quick learner, and also that I have a lot of helpers who will all be assisting in teaching him English!



Overall, it was a good reality check. Our home environment was much more comfortable to all of us, but we survived in a more stressful outside environment without any major issues. We were all worn out by the end of the afternoon (he kept dozing off in the car on the way home), but there were no deal breakers, or anything that led me to think that we shouldn't pursue adopting him. So we continue to wait and pray about whether we should.



On a practical note, for those of you who care about such things or like to pray specifically, there is a meeting on July 22nd for the families from the program (this was somewhat of an exchange program where adoptable kids stayed in host families' homes for a month before returning to their homeland. The goal of those who run the program is that adoptive families would be found for these children). who are pursuing adoption, so it would be good for us to have a decision before then. Also, we need $13,100 to begin the adoption process. Where God guides, God provides! Right?

This whole thing has been so spiritually and emotionally (and even physically) wrenching for me. Yesterday, there were moments I just wanted to pull the car over and weep, my heart was so full to overflowing, and then there were moments of sheer terror where I almost thought I'd have a panic attack and I just had to yield myself completely to my Lord and ask Him to remove the fear and replace it with His perfect peace. Today, I have just been feeling everything so deeply, not only with this orphan boy, but with other things too, like a friend who is in the midst of an immensely challenging trial. My spirit is so open to whatever the Lord brings that it's almost too much to bear, but it's not, not through Christ's strength, not in the power of the Holy Spirit. The temptation to run away from it all is there, but I don't want to stop feeling. Rather, I want to have Jesus' heart in every situation. In my flesh, I'm unable to adopt a child, or encourage a friend, but when I abide in Christ, and am filled with the Spirit, I can be a vessel for God's love, compassion, grace, encouragement,...to everyone I meet. That's what I want: to be absolutely surrendered to God Himself, so that He can use me in whatever way He wills. To Him be the glory, forever and ever, Amen!

Grace and Peace,
Angel

The Face of Adoption

We had the pleasure of spending the day with a very silly orphan boy from Eastern Europe.

From the drive in the van where he looked through a Disney Ice Capades program and assigned my kids' names to each of the characters saying, "This is...Emilia!" in a thick Eastern-European accent while pointing at a picture of Donald Duck, to calling everyone chicken, or deliberately mixing up names...he had us all giggling and laughing throughout the afternoon.

What a delight!

You wouldn't know from looking at these beautiful eyes and this goofy grin, that this boy has been an orphan for almost three years. What did he endure before his single-mother's parental rights were terminated when he was 8 years old? His face and personality do not show his grief; one can only imagine what is hiding behind that smile.

Now 11 years old, he is only a little less than a year younger than our eldest, Ethan. The boys had a great time just being boys together. Having three sisters, Ethan always enjoys when boys come over. It was his idea initially to adopt twin boys so that we could even out our family. I know he'd really like a brother.

All of the kids liked him. It's amazing how open they all are to the idea of adoption. Of course, they're absolutely clueless about how it would forever change the dynamics of our family--all of us are really-- but I so admire their childlike faith. After we first met this boy, briefly last week, Evangeline (6 1/2) announced, "I think we should adopt him! I want a (insert country name) boy!" If only it were that simple...or is it? Evangeline followed him around like a puppy most of the afternoon, imitating his silly antics.

Fortunately, Chris was able to break away from work to come spend time with our new friend. This boy has never known a father. How much he would benefit from such a great dad as this!!

Are we his forever family? We continue to wait on the Lord and pray! Our eyes have certainly been opened even more to the great need that exists for Christian families to step up and care for the orphans of this world in very real and practical ways. We quite literally saw the face of adoption in our home this afternoon, and you are now seeing it on your computer screen. How will we respond?

Grace and Peace,
Angel

P.S. He loves chicken and gave my mashed potatoes a thumbs up. :)

Could It Be Us?

My mind is racing, my heart is in my throat, and my hands are shaking a bit as I type. When I said in my last post that I didn't know what it looked like yet for us to show Christ's love to the least of these and "dangerously surrender" our lives to the cause of Christ, I was aware of the possibility that adoption could be a part of it.

In just a couple of hours, I will be picking up an Eastern-European, orphan boy who is in Indiana on a 30 day Visa that expires next week. We will be spending time with him this afternoon and possibly over the course of the next couple of days to "try on adoption" and to discern whether or not we should pursue adopting him. I am completely trusting God to lead us and guide us in His will for us, and to provide where He guides, but at this moment, I also feel completely terrified. Fear is not compatible with faith, so I'm praying that God's perfect love would cast out all fear and that I would be able to love with His love and be filled with His perfect peace as I continue to surrender myself and this possible adoption to Him...over and over and over.

To say that I covet your prayers would be an understatement!! I know of one (click here) who is already praying. Her heart has been filled with love for this particular boy, and she is fervently praying for a family to love him. Could it be us?

Grace and Peace,
Angel